Monday, June 30, 2008

Cayuga Lake

I remember as a girl, spending many summer days at Cayuga Lake. The numerous parks were my playground for many, many summers. Now, they have become my kids' playground. I remember being a kid and submerging my body into the cold water. I did not relent until my lips turned blue and made me get out. I remember digging for shells along the beach and bringing them home in whatever I could find. Often, it was a shoe that I carried them in for lack of anything else. Then of course, the black top would burn my feet as I scooted quickly to the car. I didn't care that the parking lot was hot, the water was too cold, or that the sea weed stuck to my legs. Now, I think I may be old. Today we went to the pool and it was too cold. I had to jump in off the deep end to get in. My kids didn't care. They spent three hours splashing happily in the water. However, I wimped out. Yesterday, we spent the day at Stewart Park with my 13 neices and nephews. There is an old carousel that has been there long before my child hood days. My three year old neice reminded me of what being a kid is all about. She shrieked with joy as the carousel spun. The old speaker blaring it's inaudible song. It made me wish again for the simplicity of being a little girl.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Long and Winding

Many times when we are kids we are naive and believe that we choose our paths. One day you wake up and realize your path chose you. I didn't plan on being a single mom with three kids who worked in a restaurant. I was going to be the teacher or school administrator who made more money than my husband. The white picket fence delusion plagued my plans. When I was 16 and 17, I knew everything. I knew that "love" was all that mattered. I knew that despite what my mother said, men didn't suck. (Mind you, they still don't suck). I knew where I was going and what I was doing and no one could tell me different.
Friday, as I was going to my first manager shift on my own, I was excited. I felt as though I had worked hard and was finally succeeding. I also realized that I love what I do and that my path has chosen me. There is a reason that I lead people through restaurant shifts and maybe out of it, someone else will be inspired to lead. There is a reason that I help customers everyday. Maybe throught that one interaction, I will help make their day better.
My road has become long and winding. Yet, I can not help but feel as though there is a reason that this road has been put before me.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Moving on UP!

Tomorrow will result in the culmination of much hard work. The company I have been working for the past three years has presented me with many opportunities. I have been working towards becoming a manager in a local restaurant. In spite of what is going on around me, I try to maintain my focus to move forward. Tomorrow is my first opportunity to run my restaurant on my own. To a degree, I am a little freaked out. However, I am excited more than anything. I am always looking for the chance to "prove" myself. And well, that opportunity has presented itself.
It's no secret that I left a relationship of 15 years about 3 years ago. One of the reasons that I left was because it became a verbally abusive situation. I heard many, many times that I would be nothing without my exhusband. I also heard that no one would want me if I had 3 kids and I heard on a regular basis what a disappointment I was. Well, 3 years later I am in a promising career, one semester away from a business degree, and involved in a mature and loving relationship. So, there is no disappointment anymore. Now there is pride and humility. I am proud of the person I have become. But I will never forget my path because if I do, then I will have learned nothing. And without learning, I would have experienced the whole thing for nothing. I think now, I would like to find indifference when it comes to feelings involving my ex-husband.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Moving Up

This week has resulted in a great deal of chaos. Both of my daughters had moving up ceremonies. My middle is moving up from elementary school to middle school. The pride I felt was unbelievable. It is amazing to watch my kids grow. Some days Iam ready for them to grow up and be on their own. That's because the single mom thing gets a little tough. Then there are days that seem as though time is a blur and I can't believe how quick they are growing. My oldest daughter is moving from middle school to high school. It occurred to me that in four short years she will be graduating in high school.

We are in the middle of a big transition in our housing complex. It is a three million dollar projectthat has thrown many people into an unsettleing limbo. The tennanntare hearing the proverbial promisis that something will be "fixed" tomorrow. Ugh! We are wading through everything we own because it's all in the middle of its respective room. It would be neatly stored in closests but we' re waiting for tomorrow so the can be fixed. The only thing that REALLY needs to be fixed? The guy who is coordinating this whole damn project.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Growin Pains

I suppose one would say that I have suffered from growing pains in the past 24 hours. I wrote for Axiom for a very dear friend. When I unexpectedly received an email from David that Axiom would be shutting down my mind began to reel. At first, I rebelled and thought that if I couldn’t write for Axiom I would not write at all. But, that was a petty and juvenile. Writing for me is an outlet and something I do for myself. My perspective has changed, I see this now as a new beginning. So to my dear friend David, I am sorry for being hard on you. For several years you and Denise have presented me with an opportunity to do something I love….write.