Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Left

I think the one experience I keep having over and over is being left behind. Maybe that is the reason that I want to succeed so badly. So that no one will have the chance to leave me behind. I guess it all started when my brother left home when we were 16. Every since then it seems as though I am left walking behind people I love. I watch people I love walk away and leave behind and to be honest...it hurts. After my brother left, I watched my bestfriend leave me behind. I still wonder if things would have been different between us if we had met at a different time. I would have dropped almost everything in my life to change that relationship. Then my exhusband left me behind for what he wanted. I guess I'm just feeling bad for myself right now. I guess it could be equated with running up the beach following somone else's footprints. Even though you get close to the foot prints, you fall behind when you almost catch them.

2 comments:

Jasmin Irvin said...

Rose, I can totally relate to this post in more ways that one. My mother left me behind a long time ago. She did it to save her own life, but it still hurt. I never realyy understood why she never came back into my life until I hit foster care. My so called father was a mean sob, and he tired many times to take her from me. She did what she needed to do, I just wish she could have gotten my brother and myself away too.

I have walked threw a lot of my adult life as you have .. feeling left behind. I am here if you need to talk. I just left my number on your answering machine ... lol.

We all have days that we just "Feel" bad, but you know .. making it threw the hard things .. that's what continues to show me that I am still alive and kicking, so that feeling of being left behind is not as intense!

Rose Kellog said...

Your post is proof that we all have fears when we are kids and adults. Even as adults, there are just some fears, thoughts, and memories that we may never overcome. I like your thought that "feeling bad" reminds you that you are still alive and kicking. I'm going to keep that one and use it myself. Thanks cuz